I usually don’t get too personal on this blog or social media for various reasons. However, I want to acknowledge something here that relates to my recent posts about being pregnant.
So far I am 29 weeks along and have loved being pregnant with my boy. The beautiful feeling that comes with the knowledge there is a baby growing inside me (my baby!) has been all-encompassing; filling my thoughts both day and night. I am in awe and wonder over this incredible event that I get to experience and, at the end of it, I will have a son who will be my child forever. With all that in mind, I am a human being (have been for 32, going on 33 years) who is currently embarking on the most mentally and physically taxing time in her life thus far. I haven’t represented this in my posts because I don’t like to overshare, but I want to take a moment to point out that while I am overjoyed about being a mommy, not all my days have been filled with glowy smiles and happy energy. Unless I’m relaxing at the beach at sunset, of course 🙂
What I have come to realize in my almost 33 years is that taking stock of life’s not so good days does not take away from those that are so amazing they make your heart stop and leave you wondering “how did I get so lucky?” Yesterday was one of those not so good days. I was just starting to get over being sick and experienced a series of frustrating events that forced me to my physical and emotional breaking point. Up until that moment I had been fighting the urge to press the pause button on life. I have been exercising every day, fulfiling my duties at work with minimal obstacles, and maintaining social obligations. I wasn’t trying to kid myself, I actually felt great, and I wanted to take advantage of how good I was feeling because I knew the bigger I got, the smaller that window would become. While I am all about living life to the fullest, I also forgot that 2018 is my year of slow.
Needless to say, after I calmed down from my crash (which took place in an elevator of strangers no less – not my proudest moment), I reminded myself about the importance of grace. I have been so focused on remaining positive and grateful for this experience that I left myself no room for grace. Why should I be allowed to cry/scream in my car when my baby is perfectly healthy? Why should I be in a bad mood if I was able to get pregnant naturally with minimal worry? What right do I have to complain when so many other women struggle physically, emotionally, and financially to have what I have now? Whenever someone would ask me how I am feeling or how things are going, I would give a bright, practiced response about how lucky and thankful I am.
All of those things are true and I am not saying that I or any other person should place more emphasis on the negative. However, the problem with going through life while only recognizing the positive is that you are not being honest with yourself. We see it all the time in the way that people present themselves on Facebook or Instagram; just posting pictures about the best times in their lives. I have been guilty of that during a period in which I should be the most vulnerable and forthright with my friends and family. In denying room for grace, I have not only been lying to myself, but I have also been dishonest with those around me.
So if you too are pregnant, trying to conceive, or have been in my position now with babies at home, I want you to promise me the following:
I will leave room for grace
I will be honest with myself
I will be vulnerable with others
If you are or were preggo and have any tips for me as I continue through my third trimester, I would love to hear from you!
In Love, Peace, and Grace,
An Honest Pregnant Lady